


Confusion

by yukochan5754



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Confusion, Gen, Hurt, Identity Issues, Poor Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-15 23:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18082613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukochan5754/pseuds/yukochan5754
Summary: Bucky trying to find himself after the Hydra.





	Confusion

In the beginning it was the confusion that got to him more than anything. What was he supposed to do now? After so many years of being told what to do and just being the asset-winter soldier-blank inside, what was he to do now? Who was he to be? How was he supposed to go forward from here without a handler or orders? What was he going to do? After that it was the anger. At Hydra, at the man who had blue eyes that looked like Stevie (couldn’t be him the punk was much shorter than him and had no muscle at all, right?), at himself for not knowing what to do with himself. Only his training and control that stopped him from harming the helpless sheep that roamed about their every day lives. How he envied the civilians their peace of mind and naïve way of life. Could he ever go back to that? No, he had killed too many people and done too many horrible things to get that. It certainly didn’t help that he didn’t know what to call himself. He wasn’t the asset (not anymore-never again-he would die before he became that monster again). The Winter Soldier would probably always be with him; however, it wasn’t who he was anymore. The icy killer instincts would never leave him it would always be lurking waiting to take over and take him back to simpler times, but he refused to let it control him anymore. Bucky did not fit either. The reckless flirt who was best friends with the punk, who believed that justice would always prevail. That thought almost made his mouth crook into a grin, but it had long forgotten how to do that. Besides, memories of Bucky are a blur of moments in time most of which are of Stevie and one or two of some little girls that he thinks might have been his sisters. So that left James. A name that felt like his in a distant sort of way. He doesn’t think that he every went by that name so there are no memories or emotions linked to it. No pressure to become someone he is not. Yes, James will do. As for what to do he thinks he finally figured it out. He is going to make sure that nobody ever goes through what he did and after he finishes eradicating the festering boil that is Hydra then he will worry about what to do next. If he survives.


End file.
